why .. oh .. why .. did K lost girl, found, CREATE Empowering Teens and LOST + FOUND ..

I’ve spent the last 11 years, well potentially most of my life, experiencing, and listening too, stories of shame, regret, disappointment, blame and unworthiness for all we are, and for myself as a woman.

this includes the roles, and the choices we make, or feel are forced upon us, which SHUT US DOWN, hold us hostage and away from experiencing the deepest of love, and connection, we were born to BE.

I’ve also seen tragedies, turn to triumphs, personal pain, turn to purposeful passion, and my own shame become my greatest driver for soulful driven positive contribution and success ..

along the way I also realised how our stories, and our pain, can bring with them a deep seeded sense of persecution, or brokenness, which prevents us from sharing, healing and supporting others, and the next generation to understand, there is HOPE beyond our suffering and pain ..

then came a dear friend Jen. as we got to know each other I shared my own stories of drug abuse, rape, bullying and pain. and she shared a moment that forever changed my life. in being able to see the love I now feel for myself, and freely gift to the world feeling safe to exist as me, for the first time, maybe ever, she realised she wasn’t broken. none of her experiences were her fault, she could release the self blame we are intrinsically taught as victims, when asked "what were you wearing, could you have provoked them were you drunk etc etc." and in being able to see in me, a deep love and freedom she now knew it was possible for her too ..

I have held this moment deeply in my heart for years, knowing that there would come a time, place and space where many of us would rise together to share our stories, in the knowing HOPE can, and will transform hearts and lives ..

You see, there is a you, beyond all that you have experienced just waiting to break free. Even as I write this after decades of deep healing when I feel back into certain moments of my past, I’d often feel a recognisable shame or blame arise .. the unlovable and unworthy voice of “what will people think, what will people say, what if they attack, judge, ridicule or annihilate you for being you .. and speaking truth ..” thankfully I now LOVE this voice too and at the same time remind her, “everything will be ok .. I’ve got you and the world needs us to be brave and courageous, in order to become more kind, and ignited in love, compassionate, truth and beauty ..”

so here we are … a community brought together by pain, healed and set free through alchemical story sharing, held together in LOVE and lives transformed through truth .. because we KNOW THERE IS ANOTHER WAY .. and we are THE WAY .. we are the ones we have been looking for .. we are LOST and together we can be FOUND.

so my dear friend ..  

I see you .. I feel you ..

I see you, and I feel you, in your pain ..

I see you, and I feel you, in your anger ..

I see you, and I feel you, in the darkness, so often feeling lost, and desiring to be found ..

and in seeing you, and feeling you, i love you even more deeply and completely ..

and in seeing you, and sharing together, I will never pretend to know your pain, your story or your current state of mind, but in the knowing that together, and unified, we can walk beside each other and return into the brilliance of our divine creative spark birthright, now thats something i'm excited to see.

When I think back to moments in my childhood there are so many filled with a deep-seated feeling of never quite belonging. I was always that kid who asked “why,” who wanted to understand the reason things were the way they were, confused by the cruelty, violence and lies. and so I was that kid who spent many hours hiding in my cupboard with my books, imagination and choose your own adventure curiosities. I wanted to be somewhere else .. someplace magical, immersed in love, fun, adventure, nature, and conversing with the mystical beings, and imaginary friends, and yet with every step I got told this was wrong, and magic didn’t exist.

So along the way I shut it all away.

I hid the magic, the belief in something else, the idea that all I felt was a knowing that I, and others, needed to see, feel and acknowledge to set ourselves free. As a teenager I even tried to understand, and make sense of the madness, that lurked within our hearts and minds. Visiting mental institutions to interview doctors and patients, studying every mass murderer that existed .. all to try and decipher was it our world creating these patterns of non sensical murder, cruelty and mental harm, pain and disturbance.

And then it all got too much .. the pain, the fear, the doubt, the confusion, the knowing, the suffering and the emotions that rose from the corners of my heart ..

So I turned outward to determine who I needed to be to stop feeling like me and I popped many a pills (not prescribed) to shut it all away ..

little did I know, we can’t hide from our shadow, shames, regrets and destructions.

then finally one day, or evening should I say, it all caught up with me, and for the first time in my life, instead of hiding it all away I decided to live .. as I lay in the gutter looking up at the sky, I made a commitment to God, not in a religious sense, but in the knowing there was a higher power - a part of me, whom sent me to this earth to do more, to do better and now was the time to stop escaping and face my pain .. to give it purpose, meaning and to find a way of connecting with all the many sensitive, uniquely liberated, wild and free souls across the globe who knew also .. 

Your were not meant to fit in, because then my friend you could not be a part of the catalytic change occurring on our earth .. you are not lost, you are and have always been on the pathway of purpose. you are your purpose, your pain is in truth a part of our collective awakening and NO this doesn’t take it away .. let us together bring purpose and meaning and RISE in unity from the darkness, into greater love and a world filled with light. 

So here we are nearly two decades on from that evening on the streets of Greece, and my mission and commitment has only gotten stronger, clearer and feels MORE NEEDED than ever .. I am so grateful you are here today .. and thank you for sharing this crazy, often nonsensical, though also wonderful, life with me.

May we together FIND your very own #pressplayyourway choose your own adventure, in the knowing that the BEST IS YET TO COME and together, authentically connected, kind and loving all of our humanity, is really the greatest way to BE.

Love, forgiveness, acceptance and freedom are yours for the embracing .. Lost (Girl) Found ..xx